Facilitator Journal | Issue #0344, May 30, 2008
This week's article, "Dealing with Difficult
Participants", offers several common scenarios we often see
in groups and simple steps to constructively working through them.
The thing that tends to scare
us most as facilitators is facing what we often refer to as the "difficult" participant. He/she may show up as the person
who continues to interrupt and go off on tangents. Or the person
who has to disagree, argue, or criticize every comment someone makes.
Though we often view these kinds of behaviors as "problems"
and the people who exhibit them, "difficult," these descriptions
may not always be accurate. Sometimes the "problem" participant
is acting out the issue that no one else wants to talk about, that
if addressed, may lead to the real source of the group's problem,
or the leverage they're looking for to make a giant leap.
If you or your colleagues are interested in submitting an article for consideration, please email your ideas. We would love to hear from you.
Have a safe and joyous weekend!
We will see next week.
Site Manager, FacilitatorU.com
Dealing With Difficult Behaviors
Know how to gracefully
deal with the "problem" participant
One of the most challenging things for us to deal with as facilitators
is the "difficult" participant. I'm sure you've all experienced
this either as a member or leader of a group. You know the kind of person
I'm talking about. He's the one who keeps interrupting the group to ramble
incessantly on some seemingly irrelevant topic. It seems that everyone
but he can sense the tension in the room and the members psychically screaming
for him to, "Please shut up!"
Or you maybe you remember the antagonist. The one member that has to disagree,
argue, or criticize every comment someone makes. Or the person who has
a "yes but" for every idea put forward.
We've been so conditioned to be "nice" in our culture that we
feel tongue-tied and helpless when someone else isn't being so nice in
our groups. As facilitators, and participants too, we have got to learn
to compassionately and effectively handle these kinds of behaviors. The
following tips outline methods of handling individual behaviors that we
might consider "difficult" as facilitators.
Dominating the Discussion. A person talks too often, too long, or too
loud, making it difficult for others to participate.
- Stop the person, thank him or her, and say you'd like to hear from someone
- Call attention to the agenda and time frames.
- Break eye contact. Move away from the person. Stop giving him or her focused
- Move closer and closer to the person, maintaining eye contact. Get in
front of him or her. The problematic behavior will start to stand out (even
to the person).
- Summarize what the person has said and move to someone else.
- Give the person a time limit.
- Before the discussion starts, pose a standard for the length of comments.
For example: "Let's hear from a few people for no more than 2 minutes each."
- When you know in advance that an individual or individuals tend
to dominate a group, propose a ground rule at the beginning of the session
that everyone "monitor the air time." Explain that for some, this means
talking less; for others, it means talking more.
- Introduce an inclusion activity to get everyone participating.
Inserting Personal Agendas. A person continually inserts a concern,
a disagreement, or an alternative or additional agenda item. This is often
annoying if it's repetitious and distracts from the group task.
- Ask the person how what he or she is saying relates to the current agenda
- Record the point, thank the person, and move on.
- Ask the person what he or she wants the group to do with the input.
- Give the person a time limit.
Talking off the Subject. Sometimes people are out of synch with the
agenda and regularly talk about things that are irrelevant to the group's
task or are out of sequence with the agenda.
- Ask them to relate what they are saying to the current agenda.
- Ask if the group can come back to their point and record it on a "parking
- Ask others if they have anything to add to what the person said.
- Stop them. Tell them it's not appropriate now. Bring it up later under
a different part of the agenda.
Having Side Conversations. There are always people who have to make
private comments to one another or carry on another meeting with their neighbor.
- Invite them to share what is being said.
- Stop the conversation, be quiet, and look at the people talking.
- Ask them to stop.
- Ask if they would please join the group.
- Move closer to the people having the side conversation.
- Repeat the topic under discussion and ask if everyone can focus on having
just one conversation at a time. Say, "Let's have one conversation," or
"Let's al focus on the same thing."
- Point out that the whispering or talking is distracting.
Being Constantly Negative or Antagonistic, or Presenting a Hostile Demeanor. Some people are nay-sayers, doubters, and cynics. Nothing is okay and nothing
will work. They always seem skeptical. Their negative expressions may be
either verbal or nonverbal.
- Acknowledge their points of view.
- Make a special point of thoroughly paraphrasing their view the first couple
of times they speak. Stick very close to their exact wording.
- Point out the negative pattern.
- Ask if there is any part of the work that they feel good about.
- Ask for their opinions about what is needed. Record the opinions. Ask
the group to respond.
Attacking, Criticizing, or Picking an Argument. Some people go after
other members or the facilitator to argue or personally attack. Sometimes
this is just counter-dependence, aimed at discrediting or trying to change
what the group is doing.
- Describe, non-judgmentally, what the person is doing.
- Ask if the criticism or judgment (attack) is based on something that has
occurred in the meeting.
- Stop any argument. Ask for and record a statement of each position. Engage
other group members in discussing their positions.
- Ask the person what the group could do to respond to his or her concern.
Attendance Problems. Some people repeatedly
arrive late or leave early, miss meeting , or make a habit of ducking in
and out. These actions disrupt the group, delaying or halting its progress.
- Take the time to get an attendance commitment from the group. Enforce
- Speak to the person outside of the meeting.
- Don't review anything or stop the meeting for such people.
- Suggest either or both of these ground rules: "Members agree to support
any decision made in their absence," and/or 'There will be no reviews for
people absent at any time."
- Ask members to announce if, when, and why they have to leave, come late,
or miss a meeting.
- At the beginning of the meeting, review the scheduled times and ask if
there is 4nyone who will not be able to be there for any part of the meeting.
- Ask one of the group members to update someone on a break.
- Have the group leader ask these members to come to meetings regularly.
If they can't do that, replace them. Ask those who can't regularly participate
to suggest replacements in the group. Avoid allowing "temporary" replacements
to ill in for another member.
Adapted from "The Skilled Facilitator,"
by Justice and Jamieson.
Try the above exercise either with yourself, looking at your own life as a story you're enacting, or with one of your groups. We'd love to hear what happens for you. Please email us and let us know what happened. we would love to hear about it!
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