Master Facilitator Journal | Issue #0311, August 14, 2007

Dear friends,
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In this week's article, 'Master Your Beliefs Master Your Emotions,' we explore the relationship between your beliefs and your emotions. Most of us give our feelings a lot of credit. But often they arise out of our beliefs. The good news is, our beliefs are choices and subject to unending revision. If you can master your beliefs, you can master your emotions.

Expert Interview with Dr. Dick Thompson. Join me and Dr. Dick Thompson, expert in the field of Emotional Intelligence, this Thursday, August 16th, to find out why people are so excited about EI, how you can use it as a facilitator, and how you can become a certified EI practitioner.

The Journey of Facilitation and Collaboration Workshop. FacilitatorU in cooperation with the University of Wisconsin, is offering the "Journey of Facilitation and Collaboration," a live training workshop based on 20 archetypes of the Integral Facilitator in late October. You'll have the opportunity to practice the competencies of self-facilitation, social awareness, and group process required before, during, and after group facilitation events. Please see full details at the end of this issue.

Have a great week!

Steve Davis
Publisher and Founder of


FacilitatorU membership

Click here for detail

EQ Workshop

The Point

Master Your Beliefs Master Your Emotions

Know that when your beliefs change, your feelings change.

Self-Facilitation Skill

I'm losing control!

Joe makes a comment and you feel a rush of energy. Your face flushes and your knuckles whiten as you begin squeezing the edge of the table for dear life. Some part of you knows that this feeling is not proportionate to Joe’s comment or intention, but something was triggered in you nonetheless, and you’re ready to bite his head off.

To be effective as a facilitator, friend, spouse, significant other, coworker, manager, leader, or whatever role you’re playing at the moment, learning to manage your feelings is a critical step toward living a happy, successful, and fulfilled life. Managing your feelings doesn't mean that you stuff them down and repress them. It means that you become aware of what's going on inside of you, own your feelings as your own, heed the message that they have for you, and act responsibly.

What are emotions and what is emotional mastery?

Emotions are often described as energy in motion. They become problems only when we judge them as wrong, bad, or inappropriate. When we let our emotions run us, we miss the message that they carry. When we stuff them down for fear of what they might cause us to do, they simply lie in wait to emerge with a vengeance later on. Emotional mastery is the ability to process our emotions so that we receive their message and use their energy for appropriate action.

Our emotions are very much a reflection of our beliefs about life events. For example, if you believe that you are your work and you suddenly lose your job, you are likely to feel an incredible amount of fear, as you perceive your very identity, much less your survival, to be at stake. If you repress this fear, possibly because you view it as a weakness, you’ll probably experience anger or rage and at some point, you will likely lash out at whomever’s available.

If on the other hand, you are a person who views your job simply as one aspect of your life, and you know that your inherent value lies in your unique skills and qualities, then your feelings and response to losing your job will probably be a whole lot different. You may just view this loss as an opportunity to explore a whole new path for yourself.

The bottom line here is this: how you feel in any situation corresponds exactly with what you believe about yourself and the situation. Master your beliefs, and you’ll master your emotions.

Knowing that you can change how you feel simply by changing how you think about each experience is a powerful concept. So if you feel upset about something, ask yourself, “How can I reinterpret this event in a such a way that I can feel good or at least OK about it?” If you have a bill you can’ pay, instead of getting mad or sad about it, decide that this is an opportunity to redesign your financial life. Ask for help, develop a plan, and use your energy to get moving on it.

How you think about your emotions adds even another layer. We often give ourselves a double whammy when we get upset about feeling upset. Here are some positive ways to interpret the purpose of our basic emotions set down by Peter McWilliams in his book, "Do It."

  • Fear is the energy to do your best in a new situation.
  • Guilt is the energy for personal change-it is anger directed toward ourselves, and anger is the energy for change.
  • Unworthiness keeps us on track--just as we can have anything we want, we can't have everything we want. So too, we are worthy of anything we want, but we may not be worthy of everything we want.
  • Hurt feelings are a reminder of how much we care.


So how can you use this information as a facilitator? I suggest that you release any old beliefs you hold around emotions and begin to cultivate present moment awareness as your emotions arise. Begin to look at them, not as good or bad, but simply with curiosity, and with the question, what's this energy for and how can I use it?

Here are some examples of how your emotions might be effectively expressed in a group:

  • To help validate a participant and to help them feel more connected to themselves, you may share the feelings arising in you as a result of them sharing their experience.
  • To assist a group in moving through pettiness and resistance to being fully present, you might express some of the anger and frustration you feel observing their process.
  • If you feel tears of sadness arising as a result of someone sharing something deeply personal, letting this emotion flow displays your humanness and builds trust with the group.
  • If you feel anger and frustration over the group not moving the way you think it should, use this energy to be fully present and fully honest with the participants about their process.

These examples are not meant to show how you can use emotion to manipulate participants, but as possible positive outcomes of sharing authentic emotions.


Your assignment this week is to practice reinterpreting your emotions. Practice observing emotions that arise in you and release prior judgments you might have about them. Focus instead on listening to the message they hold for you. And if you should be so bold, act on this message by expressing the emotion in a positive fashion. I'm interested in hearing what happens for you. Simply reply to this email and let me know what happened. I'd love to hear about it!


Become certified to administer and provide feedback on the EQ-i. Workshop dates are SEP 17-19, 2007, in Athens, GA.
The EQ-i Certification Workshop will prepare you to administer the EQ-i and provide feedback on the results. The Bar-On Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i), created by Dr. Reuven Bar-On, is the first scientifically developed and validated measure of emotional intelligence. The EQ-i is based on over 20 years of research and has been tested on over 110,000 people worldwide. Researchers suggest that emotional intelligence is a key determinant of one’s success in life.  Click here to learn more about the EQ-i Certification Training and please mention FacilitatorU when you register.

Expert Interview
Dick Thompson

Tapping into Emotional Intelligence and Stress Management to Enhance Leader Performance...

Featuring Dr. Dick Thompson,
Consultant, Trainer, Speaker, Author and Founder of High Performing Systems, Inc.

"Just in Time" Learning

A mounting body of evidence suggests that leaders with high Emotional Intelligence (EI) tend to outperform leaders with low EI in most leadership situations. There is also evidence that high levels of stress may reduce a leader’s ability to effectively perform his/her role as a leader. In fact, examples of leaders experiencing Catastrophic Leadership Failure abound.

This Micro-Skills Seminar looks at the relationship among EI, stress and leader performance in a variety of settings. It also explores how facilitators and trainers can help participants (and themselves) enhance EI, reduce stress and help prevent Catastrophic Leadership Failure. Learn tips for recognizing stress, identifying key EI skills that have the biggest impact on reducing the negative impacts of stress, and improving facilitation and training to enhance the performance of your participants using EI concepts. Find out how Emotional Intelligence, stress management and successful facilitation skills can combine to form a three-legged stool to enhance your performance as a facilitator.

Attend this one-hour tele-seminar with Dr. Dick Thompson and Steve Davis on Thursday, August 16th at 1:00 PM EST (NY Time) where we'll discuss the answers to these questions...

  • What is EI and why are people so excited about it?
  • What are the different EI models and how do you know which one to use?
  • What are the requirements for using these instruments?
  • What is the relationship between EI and successful facilitation?
  • How can facilitators use EI to help participants improve performance?
  • What is the relationship between EI and stress?
  • How do you build an Emotionally Intelligent organization?
  • How can you help participants (and yourself) enhance EI and reduce stress to help avoid Catastrophic Leadership Failure?
  • Any questions you have.

Click here to register

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In the Spotlight

Journey of Collaboration and Facilitation Workshop

Join us for a powerful journey into the complex world of facilitation and collaboration. During this workshop, you will be introduced to a comprehensive model for facilitation, one that balances “hard” and “soft” skills.

Using hands-on, multi-modal approaches, we’ll take you beyond theory to walk the path of mastery using a holistic set of facilitation competencies. These competencies are based on a new model encompassing twenty archetypes of the integral facilitator, informed by the "integral" philosophy of Ken Wilber.

Upon completion of the workshop, each “sojourner” will be awarded a professional certificate in Integral Facilitation and Collaboration from UW-Madison.

Group collaboration is an art and science whose time has come…

Overall, 36% of a company’s profitability, innovation, quality, and growth
are due to its Collaboration Index.

—Frost and Sullivan White Paper Sponsored by Verizon and Microsoft—

Instructors: Steve Davis, Darin Harris, Harry Webne-Behrman

Sponsored by: A partnership between and the UW-Madison Offices of Human Resource Development and Quality Improvement

Registration: Register early, as space is limited to 25 participants. Click here to register or contact Harry Webne-Behrman at (608) 262-9934.

Price: The price for the 5-day workshop and Learning Community Calls is $750.

Register before October 1st for only $600!

Lodging: Meals and lodging are available to participants adjacent to the workshop site at the Friedrick Center, our beautiful lakeside retreat center on campus. Click here to learn more about this facility. Call (toll free) 866-301-1753 for room reservations and ask for “FACILITATION WORKSHOP” when reserving your room.

This is a pilot program that may never to be offered again at this low price. It promises to be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Click Here for Complete Details and Registration

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