Facilitator Journal | Issue #0298, April 17, 2007 ....
It's hard to believe that it's been nearly six years since I published
my first issue of this journal. I've got to be either very persistent
or incredibly stubborn. Most likely I'm a little of both! Today, I'm
republishing an expanded form of my first article, "Be Real"
that I've retitled, "Get Real." The is an inner starting point
for all great group leaders and participants. I hope you enjoy it and
as always, I look forward to your feedback.
I'm looking for stories...stories from the field of
meeting participants to include in my upcoming book, "This Meeting
Sux, I'm Taking Over." I'm looking for non-facilitators who attend
meetings to try out some of the skills I offer in the book and report
back on their experiences. If you know any individuals or groups that
would like to benefit from this offer, please reply to this email with
Have a great week!
Publisher and Founder of FacilitatorU.com
Click here for details
Click here for details
your honest impressions is a refreshing gift.
They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth.
Most of us
are so conditioned to not “make waves” or to not “rock
the boat” that far too often, we hesitate to say or do the right
thing for fear of upsetting someone.
is, if your spending more time than you’d like sitting in meetings
that are so boring or frustrating as to have you engaging in fantasies
involving criminal activity, then you’re already upset. And chances
are, most everyone else is too.
sitting in a meeting that’s going nowhere, don’t things need
to be upset? At times like this, upsetting the status quo is essential
to the group’s well being. In this kind of situation you have the
opportunity to shed light on the situation to get it moving in a positive
direction, or to stop it moving in a negative direction. It’s time
to “get real!”
What Does it Mean to “Get Real?”
does it mean to “get real” you ask? I think you know what
I mean. We all have an innate sense when something needs to be said or
done. However, far too often we put on a happy face and take a “politically
correct” stance. In other words, we lie or we withhold the truth
because we’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings or fear
being on the receiving end of repercussions.
reason I believe we avoid being real is that we don’t know how to
share our truth in a mature manner. We’re afraid that if we say
or do something it may not come out right and we’ll just make matters
worse. These are all valid concerns and we’ll talk about how to
“be real” in a moment. But first, let’s review some
signposts that let you know when it’s time to step in.
Time to “Get Real” When…
- You are
“keeping your mouth shut” to keep the peace.
- You feel
that something is wrong with what’s happening or not happening.
- You find
yourself disengaging from the group for whatever reason.
- You wish
you were spending your time doing something more productive.
to “Get Real” Without Blowing it
Getting real doesn't mean that you share your each and every
thought. It means that you share only that which will contribute to the
healthy forward motion of our group. It also means that we speak with
compassion and we trust that those with whom we share our truth are strong
enough to receive it. Here is a self-test inspired by Socrates you can
use to check yourself before sharing your truth.
1. Is it true? This is obvious.
2. Is it yours? Share your own experience and feelings.
Is it constructive?
Be constructive in your comments presenting positive ideas and alternatives
a Matter of "FACT"
I said, we often neglect getting real for fear of how it might come out
or how it might be perceived. Getting real in a way that contributes to
your group in a positive is a matter of focus, attitude, content, context,
and timing. I’ve encapsulated these elements in a simple acronym,
“FACT” to help you recall them the next time you’re
called to “get real” in your groups. Here is what each of
these elements mean.
a clear focus by establishing a positive intent for interrupting the group.
Find an intention that is both for your own good and for the greater good
of the group. Then when you do interrupt, you do so from a place of compassion
and support for all participants, including yourself.
example, imagine your group is moving forward on an action plan before
they are perfectly clear on the problem it’s supposed to solve.
You set an intention to be clear on the problem so that you can put your
best foot forward in contributing to the plan, and so the group doesn’t
waste its energy solving the wrong problem.
do you feel about what you have to say to the group?a You’ll want
to share what you have to say in a positive way. To do this, first internally
acknowledge any emotion you have arising in the moment. For example, you
may fear the impact speaking out might have on your job. You may fear
an emotional reaction from the leader or from other participants. You
may fear the appearance of looking stupid. You may be angry about what’s
going on. Simply naming and acknowledging these emotions inside to yourself
and accepting that they are natural and OK will help to diffuse them so
that you can use their energy for your next action.
and with whom do you intervene? At times it may be appropriate to address
the whole group, at other times, an individual. Which approach is likely
to achieve the best outcome and minimize negative reactions? Consider
how you would like to be interrupted if you were on the receiving end.
do you plan to say? Make it simple, clear, and concise. Use the self-check
we discussed earlier: Is it true? Is it yours? Is it constructive? This
assures that the content of what you say comes from your perspective with
the best of intentions.
should you intervene? Certainly you want to be diplomatic and avoid interrupting
anyone if at all possible. You may choose to make your intervention after
an official break or at a logical break in the session, possibly between
agenda items. This is largely a matter of trusting your intuition by simply
asking yourself, “Is this the right time to speak?” Don’t
let your concern over timing stop you, however. If you have strong feelings
that something needs to be said, say it sooner rather than later. This
is particularly true if it appears that time is simply being wasted.
you "get real" in your groups or in your life? Who do you know
who could benefit from getting real somewhere in their life? Just reply
to this email and "get real" with me!
to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth,
by Brad Blanton
Radical Honesty is a revolutionary
book that takes a fresh look at how we live, love, and attempt to heal
ourselves in modern society. Radical Honesty is not a kinder, gentler
self-help book. In this book, Dr. Brad Blanton, a psychotherapist and
expert on stress management, explodes the myths, superstitions, and lies
by which we live. He shows us how stress comes not from the environment,
but from the self-built jail of the mind. What keeps us in our self-built
jails is lying. "We all lie like hell," Dr. Blanton says. "It
wears us out...it is the major source of all human stress. It kills us."
Not telling our friends, lovers, spouses, or bosses about what we do,
feel, or think keeps us locked in that jail. The way out is to get good
at telling the truth. Dr. Blanton provides the tools we can use to escape
the jail of the mind. This book is the cake with the file in it...In Radical
Honesty, Dr. Blanton coaches us on how to have lives that work, how to
have relationships that are alive and passionate, and how to create intimacy
where none exists. As we have been taught by the philosophical and spiritual
sources of our culture for thousands of years, from Plato to Nietzsche,
from the Bible to Emerson, the truth shall set you free.
you like to republish this or other articles from the journal? You are f$ree
to do so providing you follow these guidelines.
by recommendation only when you find our material of use! If you enjoyed
this issue, we'd love it if you'd spread the word. Click
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