Facilitator Journal | Issue #0286, January 23, 2007 ....
mean to lie but we're all just so accustomed to embellishing or withholding
the whole truth that it becomes habitual. Lying erodes trust, not only
in groups but in the life of the liar. As facilitators and group leaders,
we have the opportunity to shed light on the little lies and half truths
that permeate our society. In this week's article we explore a simple,
but not always easy, approach to exposing "The
Lies that Bind Us."
at a Distance. This
5-day teleclass teaches the Essentials of Teleclass & Virtual Meeting
class is for those of you wanting to offer a teleclass but don't feel
you have all the skills and knowledge you need to do so, or for managers
working with distributed teams that require you to facilitate virtual
meetings. Please note that we changed the starting date for this
February 5th. See details at the end of this issue.
Transforming Conflict in the Workplace.
5-day teleclass will help you remove
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Publisher and Founder of FacilitatorU.com
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Lies that Bind Us
Make participants aware
of their misalignments.
We don't mean to lie but we're all just so accustomed to embellishing
or withholding the whole truth that it becomes habitual. This habit is
reinforced socially as in, "I'm just trying to be nice," politically
as in, "politically correct," and personally as in, "I'm
Experts say that we lie, not so much to impress others, but to maintain
a view of ourselves that's consistent with the way we'd like to be. We
want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier,
and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord.
I suggest that in most cases, our lies erode our own trust in ourselves
at some level. So I believe that one of the most powerful things we can
do as facilitators, trainers, or leaders is to gently make our participants
aware of any lie, delusion, incongruence, or inconsistency that we see.
This can open up a whole new world of possibilities for your group.
Say you're facilitating a problem-solving session with a group of executives
who are having problems working together. None of them can put their finger
on why they can't work together better, but they talk nonstop about their
Each of them can't wait to make their case and they often interrupt each
other to articulately express their point of view. You find yourself tempted
to buy in to their story and quite frankly, you're a little intimidated
by the brilliance and charisma that each executive displays in stating
But deep down, you sense something is off. You feel intimidated and irritated,
and you begin to smell their need to be right pervading the atmosphere.
You also notice that their one-way communication and relating style is
not a recipe for successful teamwork. What do you do?
It's time to simply stop the group and state your perception. "As
I listen to you, it seems to me that no one is listening. I sense that
each of you are pushing your individual agendas and ignoring each other.
Is this the kind of team you want?"
There are three important things to consider when pointing out a lie:
1. State your observation as your perception versus a fact,
e.g. "It seems or me..." Or, "in my perception, it looks
2. Ask questions. For instance, "How is this behavior working
for you?" Or, "Is this the way you want to be perceived by others?"
3. Don't force your agenda. Give the group or individual permission
to keep doing what they're doing. This can defuse any potential hostility
or reaction to your observation.
next time you have the opportunity to facilitate or participate in a group,
listen carefully for what's being said, not said, and how it's said. Try
"reading between the lines" to unearth untruths. Then you might
even be so bold as to share your perception in a clear but diplomatic fashion.
Make sure to own any feelings you have and to share your insight without
judgment. This may take some practice, so try doing it to express something
positive that you observe first. I'm interested in hearing what happened.
Just reply to this email to send me your comments.
Is the Emperor Wearing?: Truth-Telling in Business Relationships,
by Laurie Weiss
In today's world, the success of most activities
depends on people's ability to work together. Dr. Weiss demonstrates that
truth telling is the only reasonable path for organizations and individual
relationships to excel. Her argument is that learning the skills to communicate
one's own reality builds synergistic relationships and leads to greater
productivity and satisfaction in the workplace. The first part of the
book presents stories of people in real life situations who struggle with
whether or not to tell the truth. The second part includes life experiences
of people and companies that willingly have engaged in the journey of
truth telling. Each chapter concludes with an evaluation of the story
presented, provides guidelines to identify the problem, and lists strategies
and techniques to address and resolve the situation. The topics include
codependency, passive aggressive behavior, gullibility, paranoia, blind
spots, intuition, ethical dilemmas, and hidden truths. The book is easy
reading, insightful, and can serve as a quick reference in difficult situations.
The techniques discussed can easily be translated to settings other than
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at a Distance: The Essentials of Teleclass &
Virtual Meeting Facilitation
you considered offering a teleclass as a more efficient
way to deliver training, enhance group learning
and generate more income for your business?
are you working with a distributed team that requires
you to design and facilitate virtual meetings?
done right, Teleclasses and Virtual Meetings (T/VM)
are very effective and inexpensive ways to train,
collaborate, and problem-solve. But if they aren't
effectively facilitated, T/VM's can be a boring
waste of time!
the fear and uncertainty of teleclass/virtual meeting
design and facilitation with this 5-day teleclass
series: Leading at a Distance: The Essentials
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led by Steve Davis, Founder of FacilitatorU.com,
5th-9th, 2007, 10:00 AM Pacific, 1:00 PM Eastern
60 minutes each day.
This class covers all the elements of T/VM facilitation
using a simple, well-organized, and proven approach.
This course, that you can take from the comfort
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any workshop topic.
Learn how to design and run a T/VM that will maximize
the use of your group's time and energy. By
the end of the 5 days, you will:
here for further details and registration.