Master Facilitator Journal | Issue #0223, September 27, 2005 | 7,000 Subscribers....

Dear friends,

The thing that tends to scare us most as facilitators is facing what we often refer to as the "difficult" participant. He may show up as the person who continues to interrupt and go off on tangents. Or the person who has to disagree, argue, or criticize every comment someone makes. Though we often view these kinds of behaviors as "problems" and the people who exhibit them, "difficult," these descriptions may not always be accurate. Sometimes the "problem" participant is acting out the issue that no one else wants to talk about, that if addressed, may lead to the real source of the group's problem, or the leverage they're looking for to make a giant leap.

With that said, this week's article, "Dealing with Difficult Participants," offers several common scenarios we often see in groups and simple steps to constructively working through them.

And for more perspectives on dealing with group challenges, be sure to join us this
Thursday, September 29th at 1:00 PM Eastern (NY Time) for a one-hour expert interview entitled, "Defusing Explosions: What to do with anger and conflict in groups. See the details of this teleseminar after the article below and join us to learn practical tips from these experts on dealing with heated situations in groups. News

  • Expert Tele-Seminar. Defusing Explosions: What to do with anger and
    conflict in groups,
    Thursday, September 29th at 1:00 PM Eastern (NY Time). Free to members. Click here to view features and benefits of membership.
  • The Facilitator's Questions Collection. This 35-page collection contains 20 sets of questions grouped according to the many themes upon which groups typically focus. Click here for details.

Have a great week!

Steve Davis


Click here for detail

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The Point

Dealing With Difficult Behaviors 
 Know how to gracefully deal with the "problem" participant

Intervention Skill

One of the most challenging things for us to deal with as facilitators is the "difficult" participant. I'm sure you've all experienced this either as a member or leader of a group. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. He's the one who keeps interrupting the group to ramble incessantly on some seemingly irrelevant topic. It seems that everyone but he can sense the tension in the room and the members psychically screaming for him to, "Please shut up!" 

Or you maybe you remember the antagonist. The one member that has to disagree, argue, or criticize every comment someone makes. Or the person who has a "yes but" for every idea put forward.

We've been so conditioned to be "nice" in our culture that we feel tongue-tied and helpless when someone else isn't being so nice in our groups. As facilitators, and participants too, we have got to learn to compassionately and effectively handle these kinds of behaviors. The following tips outline methods of handling individual behaviors that we might consider "difficult" as facilitators.


Dominating the Discussion. A person talks too often, too long, or too loud, making it difficult for others to participate.

- Stop the person, thank him or her, and say you'd like to hear from someone else.
- Call attention to the agenda and time frames.
- Break eye contact. Move away from the person. Stop giving him or her focused attention.
- Move closer and closer to the person, maintaining eye contact. Get in front of him or her. The problematic behavior will start to stand out (even to the person).
- Summarize what the person has said and move to someone else.
- Give the person a time limit.
- Before the discussion starts, pose a standard for the length of comments. For example: "Let's hear from a few people for no more than 2 minutes each."
-  When you know in advance that an individual or individuals tend to dominate a group, propose a ground rule at the beginning of the session that everyone "monitor the air time." Explain that for some, this means talking less; for others, it means talking more.
- Introduce an inclusion activity to get everyone participating.

Inserting Personal Agendas. A person continually inserts a concern, a disagreement, or an alternative or additional agenda item. This is often annoying if it's repetitious and distracts from the group task.
- Ask the person how what he or she is saying relates to the current agenda item.
- Record the point, thank the person, and move on.
- Ask the person what he or she wants the group to do with the input.
- Give the person a time limit.

Talking off the Subject. Sometimes people are out of synch with the agenda and regularly talk about things that are irrelevant to the group's task or are out of sequence with the agenda.

- Ask them to relate what they are saying to the current agenda.
- Ask if the group can come back to their point and record it on a "parking lot" sheet.
- Ask others if they have anything to add to what the person said.
- Stop them. Tell them it's not appropriate now. Bring it up later under a different part of the agenda.

Having Side Conversations. There are always people who have to make private comments to one another or carry on another meeting with their neighbor.

- Invite them to share what is being said.
- Stop the conversation, be quiet, and look at the people talking.
- Ask them to stop.
- Ask if they would please join the group.
- Move closer to the people having the side conversation.
- Repeat the topic under discussion and ask if everyone can focus on having just one conversation at a time. Say, "Let's have one conversation," or "Let's al focus on the same thing."
- Point out that the whispering or talking is distracting.

Being Constantly Negative or Antagonistic, or Presenting a Hostile Demeanor. Some people are nay-sayers, doubters, and cynics. Nothing is okay and nothing will work. They always seem skeptical. Their negative expressions may be either verbal or nonverbal.

- Acknowledge their points of view.
- Make a special point of thoroughly paraphrasing their view the first couple of times they speak. Stick very close to their exact wording.
- Point out the negative pattern.
- Ask if there is any part of the work that they feel good about.
- Ask for their opinions about what is needed. Record the opinions. Ask the group to respond.

Attacking, Criticizing, or Picking an Argument. Some people go after other members or the facilitator to argue or personally attack. Sometimes this is just counter-dependence, aimed at discrediting or trying to change what the group is doing.

- Describe, non-judgmentally, what the person is doing.
- Ask if the criticism or judgment (attack) is based on something that has occurred in the meeting.
- Stop any argument. Ask for and record a statement of each position. Engage other group members in discussing their positions.
- Ask the person what the group could do to respond to his or her concern.

Attendance Problems. Some people repeatedly arrive late or leave early, miss meeting , or make a habit of ducking in and out. These actions disrupt the group, delaying or halting its progress.

- Take the time to get an attendance commitment from the group. Enforce It.
- Speak to the person outside of the meeting.
- Don't review anything or stop the meeting for such people.
- Suggest either or both of these ground rules: "Members agree to support any decision made in their absence," and/or 'There will be no reviews for people absent at any time."
- Ask members to announce if, when, and why they have to leave, come late, or miss a meeting.
- At the beginning of the meeting, review the scheduled times and ask if there is 4nyone who will not be able to be there for any part of the meeting.
- Ask one of the group members to update someone on a break.
- Have the group leader ask these members to come to meetings regularly. If they can't do that, replace them. Ask those who can't regularly participate to suggest replacements in the group. Avoid allowing "temporary" replacements to ill in for another member.

Adapted from "The Skilled Facilitator," by Justice and Jamieson.

This week, use these strategies in any difficult situation that arises in your groups or in your life. Please email us your comments.

Facilitation Expert Series

Facilitation Micro-Skills Tele-Seminar:
"Defusing Explosions: What to do with anger and conflict in groups. Featuring Dee Kelsey and Pam Plumb, Authors, Facilitators, and Trainers. Attend this one-hour tele-seminar with Dee Kelsey, Pam Plumb and Steve Davis on Thursday, September 29th at 1:00 PM Eastern (NY Time).

"Just in Time" Learning

Dee and Pam, owners of Great Meetings! Inc., have worked together for over 10 years, since they first pooled their experience and expertise in training and facilitation in a jointly developed and delivered certificate course in facilitation skills. They have brought their facilitation skills and training programs to hundreds of individuals and organizations: groups as varied as large corporations, small businesses, nonprofit's of all kinds and sizes, schools, hospitals, medical groups, local and state governments. Together they have written two books, Great Meetings! How to Facilitate like a Pro and the greatly revised and expanded Great Meetings! Great Results, which have carried their message about the importance of facilitation to thousands.

In this interview with Dee and Pam, we'll focus specifically on constructively dealing with those most difficult times when things get hairy in groups. Some of the points we'll discuss are...

Why is conflict so difficult in groups? Aren’t we looking for different points of view when we are facilitating?
How do you distinguish between a healthy conflict and a non-productive, group damaging situation?
In your experience, what are the types of conflicts that you see in groups?
Why are some disagreements more heated than others?
When two participants start arguing angrily and attacking each other, how can you wade into that situation to both diffuse their anger and redirect their energy to a more positive conversation?
What about meetings where the participants are set in two deeply divided camps? What can you do to move things forward?
What specific tools can a facilitator use to help a group work with differences?
How do you manage a sudden dramatic outburst from one participant that startles the entire group?
And, answers to any questions you bring to the tele-seminar.

Three Bonuses!

1. Checklist to negotiating a conflict in groups.
2. Assessment checklist: Questions to ask during the client interview
3. 30% Discount on Dee and Pam's new book, "Great Meetings! Great Results."

This seminar is free to members.
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